Scarred Hearts
by Mini Peacelet
Summary: Set when Eve turns up but with a twist. Can Nikki find a friend in Vix?
1. Chapter 1

Scarred Hearts - Chapter 1

Her barriers of defence are shattering into millions of bitter shards. Those impediments are her structure and stability. A perfected act over all the years of her life. Now crushed to unsavagable dust, wisping away into absolutely nothing. How truly vulnerable, weak and generally crumbled ruins were only just beginning to be revealed; layer after thick layer. Completely drained. Drowning. She honestly deemed that she was suffocating; horrendous, harsh, scrawny fingers curling around her entire body, wrenching her down into her spiralling turmoil. She'd lost control. Unable to pry her way out of the deepening state; choked sobs and strangled screams are departing her fading soul. Years of torture with herself were resembling and vividly fluttering all too distinctly.

Nikki's left hand was splayed widely, clutching the damp surface of the sink, slender fingers elongated; that hand was all that was moderately keeping her stood up. She could feel her legs trembling like jelly, ready to buckle beneath her and send her crashing to the floor into a broken heap any moment. Her right hand hopped between running through her dense chocolate locks, wiping her tear saturated eyes and muffling the dismayed, snuffled gasps for oxygen.

She'd bolted for the female staff toilets, praying that they were empty and thankfully they were, as soon as she realised that it was too vast a task to conceal her rapidly swirling out of her restriction emotions. Displaying that 'I'm okay' face required too much strength. Strength she couldn't muster. All these tormenting mistakes, agonising memories developed. And she regretted them all. Constantly hating herself more than imaginable.

Today had been one of those days that she never thought would even happen; it shouldn't of happened. She could deal with everything until it actually turned real, triggering everything deeper than ever necessary. It proved that the glazed act she coated herself in wasn't as strong and sturdy as it was originally. She was unable to snap out of her negative trance that was anguishing her. If she didn't face it, her emotions were going to engulf her alive.

Nikki needed to confront the truthful element that her daughter was fully aware that she was indeed alive and wanted to know her mum. She had to come to terms with the fact Eve wanted explanations, and she deserved one as well. She had to wish that Eve would understand and forgive her for what she had done. The last thing she wanted was to be hated. If Eve really desired to know her mother than surely she would accept the truth and that everyone makes faults, just some are greater than others.

It was Friday lunchtime at Waterloo Road, the corridors teamed with rowdy teens, an echoing buzz of chattering as they enjoyed their breaks. The majority of the female staff were frantically darting after Sue Spark, helping her complete last minute errands for her wedding that was scheduled for tomorrow morning. It was generally a blissful atmosphere floating through the school.

Sue's sister, Vix Spark, had travelled across to the coastal town of Greenock from Edinburgh for her sister's wedding, thrilled at the aspect of being honoured to be bridesmaid. Her blue suede stilettos clicked rhythmically against the cheap lino surface of the school building, hips swaying as she wondered, brown caramel orbs glistening as they constantly scanned her surroundings, processing everything. She was there to assist her sister supportively, calming her stressing nerves.

Vix toddled around the building having been left to her own device whilst Sue sorted various little jobs. She had spectacular balance, poise and grace that was down to a tee - a lot better than Sonya who wobbled around aimlessly in hers.

Kacey was also pacing the corridors, searching for Miss Boston who had arranged to meet her in the PRU to discuss her ambitions for training in America; they'd reached the tricky stage of having to persuade her mother to sign the forms and think of a method of raising money to cover the fees. But subsequently to her teacher not showing, she chose to look for her instead.

Vix headed to the female staff toilets needing to touch up her make-up; she was another woman very conscious of her appearance. Nikki had failed to sufficiently pull herself together although her sobs had subsided slightly, she was still an awful mess now curled up on the floor having slid down the wall following her legs collapsing under her. Her black trousers were creased, chestnut coloured hair tangled in many severe knots, her naturally pale complexion was stained with streaks of black mascara that had initially highlighted her dazzling blue eyes, contaminated with small quantities of foundation. Red, puffy rings circled her orbs, it was really clear that she'd been crying; she'd blubbered all the tear drops she possibly had. Her ragged breathing, still erratic and returning to normal was also adequate evidence that she'd cried until she was unable to breathe.

Vix frowned, she'd spotted Nikki earlier on in the morning and she'd been cheerful and perky. Her exterior had surfaced as being tough and not someone you wanted to muddle with. But now she looked so vulnerable, lost and hurt; the facial expression supported that and you could distinguish it in her fluttering eyes. "Are you okay?" she inquired with hints of nervous-ness, uncertain how the brunette would react to someone interfering.

Nikki rolled her eyes having never been one to spout her personal problems and feelings. She'd always been a private, closed up person, very rarely allowing people in. "What do you think?" she didn't want to be rude and not respond but wasn't in the mood to chat either. Her reply had lacked any clues, simply plain. She vigorously wiped at her moist with inky tears cheeks.

"Stupid question," Vix stepped closer. When she'd first set eyes on the confident English teacher, something had clicked and she was attracted to the female. But then again, what other woman who loved other girls wouldn't be? She was the definition of utter perfection in her books. Purely flawless. She lowered herself down onto the chilly floor, leaning against the wall besides Nikki. "Do you wanna talk about it?" her voice danced with concern, so subtle and kind.

Nikki didn't respond straight away; lost in a commotion of thoughts. Really she did need to talk to someone, someone neutral minded. That would lift the emotionally painful and heavy weight off her shoulder and perhaps give her the opportunity to ponder through everything. Vix offer seemed too good to refuse, the tranquil sympathy was soothing. Plus there was no escaping that something was obviously bothering her.

* * *

_A/N: Hi :) I've been reading some outstanding fanfics on here and have quite a few ideas of my own so have decided to start posting some of them. This is based when Eve arrives but with my own twist that will become clear when you read. Tom is dead._

_This fic will probably involve Nikki and Vix mainly with a few other characters included. I do have another idea for a Nikki/Lorraine fic as well though._

_Please review if you want more, I'd love to hear what you think. :)_

_~Mini Peacelet~ _

_Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, just some of the ideas!_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you to those who have read and reviewed. Here's the next part, hope you enjoy it. Anything that's wrote in italic throughout the fic means it's like in the past - as all of this chapter is.** **Much appreciated if you leave a review. :) **

**~Mini Peacelet~ **

* * *

_"Damn!" Nikki hissed under breath followed by a list of muttered expletives. She raked her slender fingers harshly through her matted chocolate hair; tangled from where she'd not long emerged from bed. She didn't even blink or hesitate a wince when her fingers encountered strands of knotted hair, as if she was immune to any pain she could currently feel._

_In her other hand, trembling fingers clutched a pregnancy test that displayed the outcome for positive. It was out of her restriction to stop the shaking as she struggled to keep a clasp around the white stick. Discarded in a scatter over the tiled bathroom floor were four other pregnancy tests, all positive. There was no escaping the fact that Nikki Cooper, or Boston, her maiden name, as she was identified as in the army was pregnant. There was a little bundle of life growing inside of her. The prospect of that terrified her, it was daunting to think that a human was developing inside her. And she didn't like it one bit._

_It was an imprudent mistake, one that should never of occurred. If she hadn't been so reckless and careless it never would have. But now she had to deal with the consequences that followed. Nikki didn't really need to consider her options in much detail, she was already certain on what she wanted. It may have seemed like the selfish choice because there were families out there who would give anything for a baby, an innocent baby, but she wanted an abortion. _

_At nineteen years old, freshly married and strongly career orientated with massive ambitions in the army, why did she want a child? She was still young and living life to the maximum and considered herself incapable of being an adequate parent that a child deserved. She wasn't the most responsible female, still teased by her juvenile side, bubbling with immaturity. But that wasn't the only reason she wanted rid of her baby._

_"Nikki, are you nearly done in there?" Stuart, Nikki's husband, called awaiting use of the shower._

_Nikki snapped out of her daze, "N-nearly!" she stuttered, eyes widening with panic. She jumped back to her feet and gathered all the tests along with the packaging and shoved it into the Boots carrier bag and into the bin, then splashing chilly water onto her face. She was still in a state of shock knowing that she needed action promptly and have a termination if she wanted to continue in the army and keep up with her fellow cadets in her regiment. She slid the bolt across, unlocking the door and padded out._

_"Are you okay?" Stuart inquired curiously, "You seem a bit pale." he observed._

_"I'm fine," Nikki dismissed the conversation and returned the their bedroom and started to get dressed. Whilst Stuart was in the shower and out of the way, Nikki consumed full advantage of that and made herself an appointment for that lunchtime at the doctors. It was intended that she would have the termination and no one would be any the wiser._

_Unbeknown to the brunette at the time, it wasn't going to be as simple as anticipated. Her husband had spotted one of the boxes that had contained a pregnancy test in the bin through a split in the cheap carrier. He'd then proceeded to search through the bag and informed himself that his wife was expecting a baby. Stuart had hoped to challenge Nikki over it but they'd been running late, so it was a quick kiss before they went their different ways at the army training camp._

_At lunchtime Stuart had planned to confront Nikki but subsequent to being unable to locate her, he queried with one of the other troops in her division, then learning that his love had darted off to a doctors appointment. Fearing the worst, Stuart swiftly departed the base and hurried to the doctors that himself and Nikki were registered at. _

_He'd asked at reception after not being able to see Nikki in the waiting room and gained the knowledge that she was in with a doctor. Ignoring the receptionists orders that he wasn't allowed to go barging into the doctor's room, he did so and it appeared he had arrived just in time. On the desk in front of his wife were two tablets._

_Nikki's head spun round at the abrupt disturbance, orbs flickering when she realised it was Stuart._

_"Did you intend to tell me?" Stuart demanded, visibly angry._

_"Tell you what?" Nikki decided to act clueless to what he was indicating._

_"Don't act stupid," Stuart snarled, "I found the pregnancy tests in the bin this morning and it looks like I've got here in the nick of time."_

_Nikki gulped, choking back any emotion, fiddling with her fingers as a distraction when she dipped her head._

_"You're having an abortion aren't you?" He prodded for proper answers. _

_"I don't want this baby." Nikki's voice lacked audibility, feeble and scared of his reaction._

_Stuart perched himself down in the chair next to his wife and gently tilted her head up, forcing her to look at him. "And what about what I want? You can't make these decisions without asking me!"_

_"But it's my body." Nikki retorted quietly, able to see the aggression sizzling in his features._

_Stuart was secretly thrilled when he discovered the positive tests. He'd always desired children and was excited at the aspect of being granted the chance with Nikki knowing there was no one better suited out there for him. "We can do this together, Nik." he reassured._

_Nikki shook her head sadly, "I can't do this. I'm not ready to become a Mum, I'm too young and irresponsible. I'm not fully mature yet. Having someone so dependable on you, I can't give a baby the love or stability it deserves. How would be fund the baby? I wouldn't be able to stay in the army and everything is so costly. It's not even financially possible at the moment."_

_"You don't have to give up the army, I know that's been you're biggest dream. I would stay home and take care of the baby. We'd work the money issues out." Stuart insisted. _

_Nikki shook her head again, "No, Stuart. My minds made up." she stated. _

_Partly out of worry and partly out of desperation, Stuart blurted out a compromise, "How about you have the baby then I'll bring it up. You can go live your dreams and I'll pay for everything for her." He thought that if he could persuade Nikki to have the baby that at birth she'd have that moment all mothers do here they connect with their baby and everything would be fine._

_Nikki didn't really want to kill her baby, the baby had done nothing wrong and was so harmless. She just physically couldn't give it an adequate home it deserved. She nodded, "Okay...if you promise to do that." She trusted Stuart to keep the deal, convinced that this baby wouldn't stand in the way of her life._

* * *

_It had been an agonising 8 hours of labour for Nikki before her baby girl's first cries from her tiny lungs occupied the room. Nikki had never felt such excruciating pain, extensively worse than she originally could ever have imagined, and was now eagerly awaiting that unique moment she was convinced she'd have the first time her beautiful little girl was in her arms. Stuart was bursting with blissful joy, totally ecstatic at the birth of his daughter - Nikki less so. _

_For nine months, Nikki had suffered with severe morning sickness, being kept awake by her daughter contentedly using her as a football and scoffing junk food throughout the early hours of the morning just to keep her happy. Now cradled in her arms was her baby, obedient eyes staring into hers. Nikki anxiously waited to feel that individual bond where everything had been worth it. But she felt nothing. Absolutely nothing. She just felt empty, emptier than she had ever felt before._

_She couldn't wait to be discharged from the hospital, in six weeks, after recovery from having the baby, she would be back at the army base. She'd had very minute contact with her baby girl in the three days they were still admitted to hospital. That shattered Stuart's heart, watching his wife ignore a hopeless baby that was part of her. And he didn't wish for her to return to their flat; it had been an edgy nine months, Nikki's moods already unpredictable and she had proved a nightmare to live with, constant and pointless arguments._

_It was the day that both mother and daughter were able to go home. Nikki collected her stuff into her bag. _

_"Please keep in contact." Stuart begged. Their daughter, Eve (he'd decided on the name), deserved to at least know of her mother if nothing else._

_Nikki shook her head, "Just tell her I'm dead." she said bleakly, deciding it was better if she wasn't part of Eve's life. She didn't think she was worthy of the title of mother. The baby deserved better and she thought it was more sensible if she was erased from existence in her daughter's life. She held her head up and departed the hospital, eyes peeled and she was ready to tackle whatever was thrown at her next._


End file.
